When I was growing up, my parents always told me that they loved me. Yeah, yeah, whatever you say. You're the ones who grounded me, how can you turn around and say you still love me? Of course, when I was growing up, my mom would also tell me "Listen: I will always love you. I may not always like you, but I will always love you".
Now that I have a kid of my own, all of my parents' words growing up make a hundred times more sense. I look at my son, and I can feel my world revolving around him. He means more than anything to me -- more than everything to me. Yes, of course he can be a nuisance at times. No one's perfect, even though I think he sure comes close. But even when he screams, when he strews his toys all over the living room, and yes, even when he takes his diaper off during the night and pees on all of his bedding, I still love him with all of my heart.
The most paradoxical thing about having a child is watching him or her grow up. The pride and the sadness both warring in your head and your heart could drive a person mad. My son just recently celebrated his first birthday. I could have sworn he was only born a month or two ago, and now his birthday's already come and gone? Where did the time go! But in that time, he has grown so much. I've gotten to witness him learning to sit up, crawl, speak (only a couple of words, but speaking nonetheless), stand, and very recently: I've gotten to witness his first steps. And now he's walking so much more confidently, all on his own! How incredible is life? I get to watch this boy reach all of his milestones over the next twenty years!
And yet, at the same time, all of these milestones mean that he is one step closer to being independent of me. My world revolves around this little guy: he is my life, my universe, my everything. But one day, he's going to move on. He's going to grow up, find a love of his own, and make his own mark on the world.
Then, I'll be left to figure out what my life means without him in it every day.
No comments:
Post a Comment